I began my journey in alternative medicine + healing with Holistic Nutrition; my own life had been dramatically transformed by changing the way I ate + I needed to understand why. Why did one set of choices lead to happiness, healing + health + the other set of choices lead to sadness, anger + illness? Could it really be that simple?
Nope. No. It's not simple at all.
As I learned more about nutrition, I learned more about myself. My relationship with food followed the spectrum of self-loathing; either I was overindulging or pushing myself to the brink of starvation. Food was mine to control in a life that increasingly felt out of control. For the uncertainty, stress + overwhelm I could binge on the days when my life felt scarce + my soul was hungry, or I could practice self-punishment by depriving + delaying my nourishment until it hurt. And so it was. Eating too much. Eating too little. Then back again. It was a vicious cycle of feast or famine - mentally, emotionally + physically.
I was out of alignment.
Holistic nutrition education gave me the fundamentals for self-care; it turns out that how, what + when you eat really does matter. I mean it is everything. It impacts your capacity for joy, health, patience, compassion + love. It determines how you will show up for your life + the person you will be when you arrive. If you are like me + depression sometimes waits just outside your front gate, then you need to know that eating well can make a tremendous difference. Period. But food cannot + does not work alone. You need to eat mindfully.
Mindful eating helps us learn to hear what our body is telling us about hunger and satisfaction. It helps us become aware of who in the body/heart/mind complex is hungry, and how and what is best to nourish it. —Psychology Today
How you nourish yourself is how you love yourself. Every time.
The reality is, I really didn't get better at eating until I began meditating; something about quieting the noise + clearing out the clutter gave me the ability to hear myself. In time, I knew the difference between what my mind wanted, what my body needed + what my soul craved but even more important, I actually trusted myself enough to listen + follow through. There was no negative internal dialogue after each meal. I was no longer pushed + pulled by diet industry 'news' or insecurity or life's changing circumstance. Day by day, I was getting lighter, brighter + more powerful. My energy, focus + time were allocated with discernment + care. I felt better because I was better.
Only the beginning.
It's been over 10 years since I made the connection between who I am + what I eat. I have a balanced relationship with food that is deeply rooted in self-love. What was once a salve for stress + anxiety is now a source of fuel + pleasure. My body is a temple that houses my soul; a spark of divinity that I know is whole, worthy + precious. I am mentally, emotionally + physically stronger. Every morning + every night, I come back home to myself through my meditation practice. I breathe. I listen. I love. My life is seen from the inside out + not, from the outside in + from this vantage point, I see clearly that I am already nourished.